True to my word, I have been doing my best to flourish. It's easier some days than others; on the whole, the past year has been a phenomenal improvement on the few before it, and I'm constantly reminded of that. The human brain, however, is not so easily pulled from its patterns.
I went far, far out of my comfort zone two weekends in a row a while ago, and both ended badly. Was there long-term damage or loss? No, just bad experiences in the moment and a sour memory to look back on. Both times, my brain has wanted to spiral down old, bad paths of hatred and regret and harm. Both times, I have allowed it a little indulgence before dragging it back to We Don't Do That Anymore. Friends have helped, both times; I think a huge enough step is allowing them to.
They're experiences. They're fine. They're markers of progress, and one will be a funny story and a surprise for the next game of Never Have I Ever, eventually.
I've also been playing Disco Elysium for a few weeks, which I am enthralled with of course. I could wax poetic but this is not a game review blog - read Polygon's 2019 review of it and play it yourself. But suffice to say, I have been feeling very much represented by a certain amnesiac detective and his host of inner voices. Ancient Reptilian Brain and Limbic System have a lot to say to me.
You can come an incredibly long way, and then have a minor setback - a mistake or rejection or shock or turn of luck - which sends your brain down a Bad Spiral. The progress from the past is that now, you still have a dog to walk, a cat to feed, a podcast to record, a letter to post, a shop to visit.
One of those setbacks was in February and it meant that I couldn't record for two months. But I am pleased to confirm that Sylvpod is back in full swing and will return to its fortnightly scheduling, starting... earlier today!
So, that was a long-winded way of providing a general update and that notice: Sylvestus: The Podcast is back, should be no further delays on it, go play Disco Elysium ✌️
