"... all this you have done for the service of the Republic, and, at the same time, have regarded me as a fellow-soldier and a messmate. Nor has the extent of your prosperity produced any change in you, except that it has given you the power of doing good to the utmost of your wishes. And whilst all these circumstances increase the veneration which other persons feel for you, with respect to myself, they have made me so bold, as to wish to become more familiar. You must, therefore, place this to your own account, and blame yourself for any fault of this kind that I may commit. But, although I have laid aside my blushes, I have not gained my object; for you still awe me, and keep me at a distance, by the majesty of your understanding."
"The nature of the animated beings which exist upon [the world], is hardly in any degree less worthy of our contemplation than its other features; if, indeed, the human mind is able to embrace the whole of so diversified a subject. Our first attention is justly due to Man, for whose sake all other things appear to have been produced by Nature; though, on the other hand, with so great and so severe penalties for the enjoyment of her bounteous gifts, that it is far from easy to determine, whether she has proved to him a kind parent, or a merciless step-mother.In the first place, she obliges him alone, of all animated beings, to clothe himself with the spoils of the others; while, to all the rest, she has given various kinds of coverings, such as shells, crusts, spines, hides, furs, bristles, hair, down, feathers, scales, and fleeces. The very trunks of the trees even, she has protected against the effects of heat and cold by a bark, which is, in some cases, twofold. Man alone, at the very moment of his birth cast naked upon the laked earth, does she abandon to cries, to lamentations, and, a thing that is the case with no other animal whatever, to tears: this, too, from the very moment that he enters upon existence. But as for laughter, why, by Hercules!—to laugh, if but for an instant only, has never been granted to man before the fortieth day from his birth, and then it is looked upon as a miracle of precocity. Introduced thus to the light, man has fetters and swathings instantly put upon all his limbs, a thing that falls to the lot of none of the brutes even that are born among us. Born to such singular good fortune, there lies the animal, which is destined to command all the others, lies, fast bound hand and foot, and weeping aloud! such being the penalty which he has to pay on beginning life, and that for the sole fault of having been born. Alas! for the folly of those who can think after such a beginning as this, that they have been born for the display of vanity!
... Other animals, in fine, live at peace with those of their own kind; we only see them unite to make a stand against those of a different species. The fierceness of the lion is not expended in fighting with its own kind; the sting of the serpent is not aimed at the serpent; and the monsters of the sea even, and the fishes, vent their rage only on those of a different species. But with man,—by Hercules! most of his misfortunes are occasioned by man."
This is one of the first chapters that really stuck out to me. Given that I was introduced to Pliny the Elder as "ancient man who wrote funny and wild things about medicine", I was unprepared for the sheer degree of philosophy in this chapter. There's something poetic and beautiful to me about the way in which he approaches the same hypocrisy of existence so many others have written around. "Born to such singular good fortune, there lies the animal, which is destined to command all the others, lies, fast bound hand and foot, and weeping aloud! such being the penalty which he has to pay on beginning life, and that for the sole fault of having been born." We may now know that rats laugh when tickled, that animals feel joy and pain as much as humans, that their tears and laughter are simply expressed differently, but I am nonetheless drawn to his description of "Man alone, at the very moment of his birth cast naked upon the laked earth, does she abandon to cries".
The chapter MARVELLOUS BIRTHS. is,, not great for a lot of things, mostly in being understandably offensive with regards to disabled, intersex, and non-Roman people, but I am gently intrigued by the way in which he challenges that it's very unlikely triplets could be born, then a paragraph later confidently declares:
"Also, Alcippe was delivered of an elephant—but then that must be looked upon as a prodigy; as in the case, too, where, at the commencement of the Marsian war, a female slave was delivered of a serpent."
Okay! That's wild! Thank-you, ser!
Given the questionable nature of many of the "monsters" described in MARVELLOUS BIRTHS., I was hesitant to engage with MONSTROUS BIRTHS., which comes a few chapters later. But fear not! It's actually an entire chapter about a guy named Marcus Agrippa, who was the only person ever to be born feet-first and survive.
"And yet, even he may be considered to have paid the penalty of the unfavourable omen produced by the unnatural mode of his birth, in the unfortunate weakness of his legs, the misfortunes of his youth, a life spent in the very midst of arms and slaughter, and ever exposed to the approaches of death; in his children, too, who have all proved a very curse to the earth, and more especially, the two Agrippinas, who were the mothers respectively of Caius and of Domitius Nero, so many firebrands hurled among the human race. In addition to all this, we may add the shortness of his life, he being cut off in his fifty-first year, the distress which he experienced from the adulteries of his wife, and the grievous tyranny to which he was subjected by his father-in-law."
Amazing!
The chapter SOME ACCOUNT OF THE TEETH, AND SOME FACTS CONCERNING INFANTS has me utterly enthralled, because of the surprisingly astute observations regarding teeth, interspersed by entirely wild claims out of left-field.
"The teeth are the only parts of the body which resist the action of fire, and are not consumed along with the rest of it. Still, however, though they are able thus to resist flame, they become corroded by a morbid state of the saliva. The teeth are whitened by certain medicinal agents. They are worn down by use, and fail in some persons long before any other part of the body. They are necessary, not only for the mastication of the food, but for many other purposes as well. It is the office of the front teeth to regulate the voice and the speech; by a certain arrangement, they receive, as if in concert, the stroke communicated by the tongue, while by their structure in such regular order, and their size, they cut short, moderate, or soften the utterance of the words ... Women have fewer teeth than men. Those females who happen to have two canine teeth on the right side of the upper jaw, have promise of being the favourites of fortune, as was the case with Agrippina, the mother of Domitius Nero: when they are on the left side, it is just the contrary."
I... I don't know how to explain my fascination with the person who knew how teeth were important in forming words and chewing food, and described it so extensively, yet also with utter confidence declared that women have fewer teeth than men. I mean, had he looked in a woman's mouth? Did he hear it somewhere and decide to believe it and write it down? Did he not check?? I'm fascinated.
SOME REMARKABLE PROPERTIES OF THE BODY. has me flipping out again, predictably. Why?
"We find it stated, that there are some men whose bones are solid, and devoid of marrow, and that one mark of such persons is the fact that they are never thirsty, and emit no perspiration. At the same time, we know that by the exercise of a resolute determination, any one may resist the feeling of thirst; a fact which was especially exemplified in the case of Julius Viator, a Roman of equestrian rank, but by birth one of the Vocontii, a nation on terms of alliance with us. Having, in his youth, been attacked by dropsy, and forbidden the use of liquids by his physicians, use with him became a second nature, and so, in his old age, he never took any drink at all. Other persons also, have, by the exercise of a strong determination, laid similar restraints upon themselves."
It's just not true! Why did he think it was true!! He much later states that humans die without food after seven days but he thought they could go their entire lives without water! What!
The Roman orators had some insanely impressive memory tricks, so I find myself hesitating over his chapter MEMORY. - because... This sounds ridiculous, surely?
"King Cyrus knew all the soldiers of his army by name: L. Scipio the names of all the Roman people. Cineas, the ambassador of king Pyrrhus, knew by name all the members of the senate and the equestrian order, the day after his arrival at Rome. Mithridates, who was king of twenty-two nations, administered their laws in as many languages, and could harangue each of them, without employing an interpreter. There was in Greece a man named Charmidas, who, when a person asked him for any book in a library, could repeat it by heart, just as though he were reading."
... But what if it isn't? I hate that I almost believe him. I'm becoming indoctrinated to Pliny the Elder's bullsh*t.
This next one fascinates me just by chapter names. I am not going to read all of them, as much as I want to.
Here's the thing! He's like... Listing the best people (we're still in the book about man and his organisation and stuff). The fact that the most notable people he wanted to dedicate chapters to were MEN OF REMARKABLE GENIUS, MEN WHO HAVE BEEN REMARKABLE FOR WISDOM, THE MAN WHO WAS PRONOUNCED TO BE THE MOST EXCELLENT, and THE MOST CHASTE MATRONS, shortly followed by SLAVES FOR WHICH A HIGH PRICE HAS BEEN GIVEN... I'm obsessed with this list. Those were the people he considered most important to Rome.
So of course, when I saw that immediately after was SUPREME HAPPINESS., I of course had to know what he considered to be the greatest happiness ever experienced by a human. Except it isn't! Because immediately follow a chapter entitled MEN WHOM THE GODS HAVE PRONOUNCED TO BE THE MOST HAPPY.! With regards to supreme happiness, though, he dips back into that philosophy that drives me insane.
"The human judgment cannot, however, possibly decide what man has enjoyed the highest degree of happiness, seeing that every one defines a state of prosperity in a way different from another, and entirely in conformity with his own notions. If we wish to form a true judgment and come to a decision, casting aside all the allurements and illusions of fortune, we are bound to say that no mortal is happy. Fortune has dealt well, and, indeed, indulgently, to him who feels that he has a right to say that he is not unhappy. For if there is nothing else, at all events, there is the fear lest fortune should fail at last; which fear itself, when it has once fastened upon us, our happiness is no longer unalloyed."
S E R ?
Okay. All of that was just from one book. Which is a very good book. But not even my favourite! Buckle up...
THE NATURE OF THE TERRESTRIAL ANIMALS brings us right into my territory. I have a BSc in Zoology. I could not contain my excitement the first time I came across this book. Y'all, the first twelve chapters of this book are about elephants. Pliny loved elephants. The fourth chapter is even called WONDERFUL THINGS WHICH HAVE BEEN DONE BY AN ELEPHANT. - Pliny is a white eighteen year-old girl on a gap year in Thailand paid for by her parents. He spent thirty chapters on the entire human race, and twelve on elephants. And if you were curious, as I am, what wonderful things Pliny thinks have been done by an elephant?
"Hence it is that, when their tusks have fallen off, either by accident or from old age, they bury them in the earth."
... Do they, Pliny? Do they?
"When they are surrounded by the hunters, they place those in front which have the smallest teeth, that the enemy may think that the spoil is not worth the combat; and afterwards, when they are weary of resistance, they break off their teeth, by dashing them against a tree, and in this manner pay their ransom."
He's saying that elephants know their tusks are what hunters want from them so they sacrifice their children to them then smash their own tusks on trees when they lose the fight rather than be taken. He sounds so admiring of the elephants' honour and battle wits. I don't have the heart to mock him.
Okay, so, twelve chapters about elephants, what animal did Pliny consider the next most important for his book?
DRAGONS.
"Æthiopia produces dragons, not so large as those of India, but still, twenty cubits in length. The only thing that surprises me is, how Juba came to believe that they have crests. The Æthiopians are known as the Asachæi, among whom they most abound; and we are told, that on those coasts four or five of them are found twisted and interlaced together like so many osiers in a hurdle, and thus setting sail, with their heads erect, they are borne along upon the waves, to find better sources of nourishment in Arabia."
That's the whole chapter. Five dragons curl up together and use their crests to sail to Arabia. Okay.
Similarly, on SERPENTS OF REMARKABLE SIZE.:
"The serpents which in Italy are known by the name of boa, render these accounts far from incredible, for they grow to such a vast size, that a child was found entire in the stomach of one of them, which was killed on the Vaticanian Hill during the reign of the Emperor Claudius."
The biggest snake indigenous to Italy is the four-lined snake, which at a push can approach 7 ft long. The largest thing they can eat is small rabbits and they are non-aggressive. But, then, the Romans did a lot of exploring; they brought tigers into Rome, is it so hard to imagine that they shipped in a real boa only to lose track of it in the city, like the alligators which supposedly infest New York's sewers after being flushed away by ill-equipped exotic pet owners in small apartments? I like to think it was the case. Don't engage with inhumane exotic pet trade, kids.
There then follow two chapters about all of the species of deer, elk, etc., and then five on lions (including, to my delight, the phrase "inflamed with a strong desire to become acquainted with the natures of animals"), including WONDERFUL FEATS PERFORMED BY A LION.:
"In the same manner, too, Elpis, a native of Samos, on landing from a vessel on the coast of Africa, observed a lion near the beach, opening his mouth in a threatening manner; upon which he climbed a tree, in the hope of escaping, while, at the same time, he invoked the aid of Father Liber; for it is the appropriate time for invocations when there is no room left for hope. The wild beast did not pursue him as he fled, although he might easily have done so; but, lying down at the foot of the tree, by the open mouth which had caused so much terror, tried to excite his compassion. A bone, while he was devouring his food with too great avidity, had stuck fast between his teeth, and he was perishing with hunger; such being the punishment inflicted upon him by his own weapons, every now and then he would look up and supplicate him, as it were, with mute entreaties. Elpis, not wishing to risk trusting himself to so formidable a beast, remained stationary for some time, more at last from astonishment than from fear. At length, however, he descended from the tree and extracted the bone, the lion in the meanwhile extending his head, and aiding in the operation as far as it was necessary for him to do. The story goes on to say, that as long as the vessel remained off that coast, the lion showed his sense of gratitude by bringing whatever he had chanced to procure in the chase."
I want to believe it. I want to believe it so badly. It literally reads like a Dodo story about a dog and a goat becoming best friends.
Shortly after comes TIGERS: WHEN FIRST SEEN AT ROME; THEIR NATURE. Given the content of Sylvestus, obviously I had to check it out. Unfortunately, it's just a description of some quietly disturbing animal abuse and the claim that tigers are extremely fast. So then I tried THE RHINOCEROS. because that had to be interesting, right? Well, apparently:
"This too is another natural-born enemy of the elephant."
And I'm like, wait, what's the other natural-born enemy of the elephant? So I did some digging back, and sure enough, back in the extensive elephant section:
"But it is India that produces the largest, as well as the dragon, which is perpetually at war with the elephant, and is itself of so enormous a size, as easily to envelope the elephants with its folds, and encircle them in its coils. The contest is equally fatal to both; the elephant, vanquished, falls to the earth, and by its weight, crushes the dragon which is entwined around it."
Listen. Listen. I know by "dragon" he just means "big snake". But please. I'm so fascinated by what it must have been like inside this man's head. Every chapter reads like Aesop's fables or a Rudyard Kipling book.
It gets even better in THE LYNX, THE SPHINX, THE CROCOTTA, AND THE MONKEY.:
"Æthiopia produces the lynx in abundance, and the sphinx, which has brown hair and two mammæ on the breast, as well as many monstrous kinds of a similar nature; horses with wings, and armed with horns, which are called pegasi; the crocotta, an animal which looks as though it had been produced by the union of the wolf and the dog, for it can break any thing with its teeth, and instantly on swallowing it digest it with the stomach; monkeys, too, with black heads, the hair of the ass, and a voice quite unlike that of any other animal."
Interestingly, the footnotes for this chapter note that the sphinx was probably a monkey, with a human-like face and breasts, a thick mane of hair, and a tail. And that... Actually makes sense. I'm kind of shook about it. No forgiveness for the winged horned horses tho.
In WOLVES; THE ORIGIN OF THE STORY OF VERSIPELLIS, Pliny the Elder makes another, ahh, bold claim:
"That men have been turned into wolves, and again restored to their original form, we must confidently look upon as untrue, unless, indeed, we are ready to believe all the tales, which, for so many ages, have been found to be fabulous."
OH OKAY SURE, PEGASI, THOSE ARE A THING, WOLVES CAN STEAL MEN'S VOICES WITH THEIR "NOXIOUS EYES", BUT WEREWOLVES? NOOO, THAT'S BULLSHIT.
There's a total of 84 chapters in TERRESTRIAL ANIMALS. and we're still fairly early in the 37 volumes, so after this point I become a little more choosy with my chapters, because while I could definitely sit here for four solid days creating a thorough essay on the complete Natural History, neither of us wants that. But NATIONS THAT HAVE BEEN EXTERMINATED BY ANIMALS.? Oh, we have to check that out.
"M. Varro informs us, that a town in Spain was undermined by rabbits, and one in Thessaly, by mice; that the inhabitants of a district in Gaul were driven from their country by frogs."
AMAZING. Thank-you, Pliny, for this mental image.
HEDGEHOGS.? Don't mind if I do.
"Hedgehogs also lay up food for the winter; rolling themselves on apples as they lie on the ground, they pierce one with their quills, and then take up another in the mouth, and so carry them into the hollows of trees."
Best mental image. Thank-you again, ser, for my life.
There's a few chapters on dogs and horses, to fulfil the Romans' tax for their love of these animals, but it's clear that Pliny cares for them far less than he did for elephants. Moving onto THE NATURAL HISTORY OF FISHES., and in particular my new favourite chapter title, OTHER WONDERFUL THINGS RELATING TO DOLPHINS. Man loves elephants and dolphins! He's literally a teenage girl, I'm obsessed!
"Dolphins, also, form among themselves a sort of general community. One of them having been captured by a king of Caria and chained up in the harbour, great multitudes of dolphins assembled at the spot, and with signs of sorrow which could not be misunderstood, appealed to the sympathies of the people, until at last the king ordered it to be released."
Oh, that's... That's actually true. The community and empathy part, not sure about the king releasing a dolphin cos the others cried at him. The juxtaposition of Pliny's accurate accounts and his very sincere bullsh*t are a huge part of what appeals to me about these books.
For instance, please, Pliny, do tell me HOW MANY KINDS OF FISH THERE ARE.
"There are seventy-four species of fishes."
Okay!
... So close, bud. You were real close.
I did an entire dissertation on the pearl mussel, so I'm real fascinated to see what Pliny thinks of PEARLS; HOW THEY ARE PRODUCED AND WHERE.
"The origin and production of the shell-fish is not very different from that of the shell of the oyster. When the genial season of the year exercises its influence on the animal, it is said that, yawning, as it were, it opens its shell, and so receives a kind of dew, by means of which it becomes impregnated; and that at length it gives birth, after many struggles, to the burden of its shell, in the shape of pearls, which vary according to the quality of the dew."
I am... Actually impressed that he, knew that pearls are produced by oysters, and knew that oysters are animals. And tbh, I prefer this explanation to my 6000 word report on the parasitism of pearl mussel glochidia on the gills of fish, so I might just try to believe it.
Next up, THE NATURAL HISTORY OF BIRDS. First chapter? OSTRICHES. F*cking superb, you funky little Roman.
"They have cloven talons, very similar to the hoof of the stag; with these they fight, and they also employ them in seizing stones for the purpose of throwing at those who pursue them. They have the marvellous property of being able to digest every substance without distinction, but their stupidity is no less remarkable; for although the rest of their body is so large, they imagine, when they have thrust their head and neck into a bush, that the whole of the body is concealed."
How marvelous the mental image Pliny conjures of an ostrich picking up a stone with its foot, chucking it at a hunter, and then sticking its head in a bush! "Their stupidity is no less remarkable"? Astounding!
There's a chapter called THE WOOD-PECKER OF MARS., which I got very excited about only to be disappointed upon realising it's named after the deity, rather than being Pliny's venture into sci fi. It's also a boring chapter. Then I get hit with THE ONLY WINGED ANIMAL THAT IS VIVIPAROUS, AND NURTURES ITS YOUNG WITH ITS MILK. And I get excited again, because ohhh shit what bird does he think gives birth to live young...
"Among the winged animals, the only one that is viviparous is the bat; it is the only one, too, that has wings formed of a membrane."
... Okay. You did got me there.
How about WHAT ANIMALS ARE SUBJECT TO DREAMS.?
"It is pretty generally agreed, that dreams, immediately after we have taken wine and food, or when we have just fallen asleep again after waking, have no signification whatever. Indeed, sleep is nothing else than the retiring of the mind into itself. It is quite evident that, besides man, horses, dogs, oxen, sheep, and goats have dreams; consequently, the same is supposed to be the case with all animals that are viviparous. As to those which are oviparous, it is a matter of uncertainty, though it is equally certain that they do sleep."
This is a peaceful and humble chapter. I like this chapter. This chapter makes me smile restfully.
Immediately after this, we move into THE VARIOUS KINDS OF INSECTS., where I get batcrap crazy again, specifically starting with THE EXTREME SMALLNESS OF INSECTS.:
"Indeed, in no one of her works has Nature more fully displayed her exhaustless ingenuity. In large animals, on the other hand, or, at all events, in the very largest among them, she found her task easy and her materials ready and pliable; but in these minute creatures, so nearly akin as they are to non-entity, how surpassing the intelligence, how vast the resources, and how ineffable the perfection which she has displayed. Where is it that she has united so many senses as in the gnat?—not to speak of creatures that might be mentioned of still smaller size—Where, I say, has she found room to place in it the organs of sight? Where has she centred the sense of taste? Where has she inserted the power of smell? And where, too, has she implanted that sharp shrill voice of the creature, so utterly disproportioned to the smallness of its body? With what astonishing subtlety has she united the wings to the trunk, elongated the joints of the legs, framed that long, craving concavity for a belly, and then inflamed the animal with an insatiate thirst for blood, that of man more especially!"
I really, genuinely love this part of this chapter. He writes with such open wonder and astonishment. Having studied the physiology of insects in great detail, it's easy to overlook the basics that someone writing 1800 years before the theory of evolution might be fascinated by. This is a good chapter.
Then we reach... BEES. Specifically, 23 chapters on bees. That's the most chapters yet. That's more than elephants and dolphins put together. Pliny the Elder really, really loved bees. I only touch on one, which is THE MODE OF GOVERNMENT OF THE BEES., because:
"When he is weary, they support him on their shoulders; and when he is quite tired, they carry him outright. If one of them falls in the rear from weariness, or happens to go astray, it is able to follow the others by the aid of its acuteness of smell. Wherever the king bee happens to settle, that becomes the encampment of all."
First of all, Pliny knew that there were drones and workers and a... Ruling bee. Second of all, Pliny describes workers supporting their weary ruler like soldiers carrying a general from the field, to the chair in his tent where he may touch one of their faces and empart final whispered knowledge before he perishes, leaving his second-in-command to avenge his father figure. Thirdly, he thought that the ruling bee was male. He refers frequently to the king bee.
He got the spirit.
INSECTS THAT ARE PARASITES OF MAN. WHICH IS THE SMALLEST OF THE ANIMALS? ANIMALS FOUND IN WAX EVEN. has the kind of title which makes it very obvious that everything Pliny wrote was a first draft, because he couldn't just press backspace on his rambling and typos. But it also drew me in because of my further interest in parasitology.
"These insects infest birds too, and are apt to kill the pheasant, unless it takes care to bathe itself in the dust. Of the animals that are covered with hair, it is supposed that the ass and the sheep are the only ones that are exempt from these vermin. They are produced, also, in certain kinds of cloth, and more particularly those made of the wool of sheep which have been killed by the wolf. I find it stated, also, by authors, that some kinds of water which we use for bathing are more productive of these parasites than others. Even wax is found to produce mites, which are supposed to be the very smallest of all living creatures."
I find it most interesting because he's right in a lot of ways about what parasites are and where they can be found... But he did also believe in spontaneous generation, which is to say the belief that if you just leave something long enough, eventually an animal will form out of the material without prompt, which is an idea still used today to try and refute evolution. Wildin'.
There's a lot of chapters in this book and it moves away from insects again shortly, but before that, we just have to drop in on AN ANIMAL FOUND IN FIRE - THE PYRALLIS OR PYRAUSTA.
"That element, also, which is so destructive to matter, produces certain animals; for in the copper-smelting furnaces of Cyprus, in the very midst of the fire, there is to be seen flying about a four-footed animal with wings, the size of a large fly: this creature is called the " pyrallis," and by some the " pyrausta." So long as it remains in the fire it will live, but if it comes out and flies a little distance from it, it will instantly die."
Just imagine being a zoologist in the days when you could say "yeah bro there's a bug that lives in fire but you can't see it cos it dies as soon as you put it out". Fantastic.
I was very excited for THE HEADS OF ANIMALS. THOSE WHICH HAVE NONE. cos hooollleeyyy shit Pliny please tell me what animals you think don't have heads is it gonna be somethin wild like dogs that live without a head or a species of snake or something-
"Animals of the oyster and the sponge kind have no head, which is the case, also, with most of the other kinds, whose only sense is that of touch. Some, again, have the head blended with the body, the crab, for instance."
... oh. No that's... That's actually correct. He even knew that sponges are animals, which most people now don't. Sh*t. He really got me there.
Well, surely THE BRAIN. will prove that Pliny had a lot of things wrong still, right?
"The senses hold this organ as their citadel; it is in this that are centred all the veins which spring from the heart; it is here that they terminate; this is the very culminating point of all, the regulator of the understanding. With all animals it is advanced to the fore-part of the head, from the fact that the senses have a tendency to the direction in which we look. From the brain proceeds sleep, and its return it is that causes the head to nod. Those creatures, in fact, which have no brain, never sleep. It is said that stags have in the head certain small maggots, twenty in number: they are situate in the empty space that lies beneath the tongue, and around the joints by which the head is united to the body."
There we go. I couldn't even make it up. Astute observation about the brain as the centre of thought and soul; and then immediately afterwards, an equally confident declaration that all stags have twenty maggots in their brain. Fantastic.
Next, THE THEORY OF SIGHT - PERSONS WHO CAN SEE BY NIGHT. Gotta be good, right? Mostly accounts of people with weird eyes, but then:
"The Emperor Caius had twenty pairs of gladiators in his training-school, and of all these there were only two who did not wink the eyes when a menacing gesture was made close to them: hence it was that these men were invincible."
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
Then immediately after that, in the same chapter:
"Beyond a doubt it is in the eyes that the mind has its abode: sometimes the look is ardent, sometimes fixed and steady, at other times the eyes are humid, and at others, again, half closed. From these it is that the tears of pity flow, and when we kiss them we seem to be touching the very soul."
I'm losing my sh*t. How is this the same person. Humans... Are spectacular.
One line from THE HEART; THE BLOOD; THE VITAL SPIRIT. stood out to me:
"It is said, too, that the eyes are the first organs that die, and the heart the very last of all."
... Bro, that's poetic as sh*t. He does then claim that the mind lives in the heart, which is... Interesting, given the previous claims about the brain. He was trying. Galen had just kinda messed up everyone's understanding by convincing them the heart was where blood was destroyed after being made in the liver or something, so you can understand the confusion. Again, man's got the spirit. Also, this was chapter 69 of that book. Nice.
There's a lot here on various organs and which animals supposedly don't have them, but none stood out to me especially. That is, until ANIMALS WHICH ARE WITHOUT BLOOD AT CERTAIN TIMES OF THE YEAR.
"Those animals which conceal themselves at certain periods of the year [bears, dormice, serpents], as already mentioned, have no blood at those times, with the exception, indeed, of some very small drops about the heart. ... It is a well-known fact, that when a man is in fear, the blood takes to flight and disappears, and that many persons have been pierced through the body without losing one drop of blood; a thing, however, which is only the case with man."
... Okay. Okay. That's fine. That's okay. Fine. Okay. Sure.
Also worth noting that in the middle of this book which is supposedly about insects and now seems to be about general anatomy, he takes an entire chapter to talk about VARIOUS KINDS OF CHEESE. I will not be quoting from it, except to say that he does claim a man named Zoroaster lived for thirty years on cheese and was consequently immortal until he ate something that wasn't cheese. Maybe my spirit lives in Zoroaster, rather than Pliny.
We've now passed the golden segment of The Natural History, at least for a while, as we move into several books on the history of trees and grain. I found it interesting that he mentions what seems to be chilis, though called "Indian pepper", in THE PEPPER-TREE - THE VARIOUS KINDS OF PEPPER - BREGMA - ZINGIBERI, OR ZIMPIBERI, given that all my (fairly extensive) previous research indicated that Romans would have never encountered chili peppers, hence why its discovery is a not insignificant plot point in Sylvestus, because I guess pious d*ckheads on the internet haven't actually checked primary sources because they call themselves ancient history experts after watching 300 and Sparta, and at the time I didn't have access to primary sources myself, but that's fine.
At this point, several books later, we do start to get into the medical section. Time to crack my knuckles and make another cup of coffee. There are far, far too many to cover completely (several books of many chapters, all of which claim to have dozens of remedies listed) but I'll try to breeze through my favourites to offer a selection.
From ONIONS: TWENTY-SEVEN REMEDIES.:
"There are no such things in existence as wild onions. The cultivated onion is employed for the cure of dimness of sight, the patient being made to smell at it till tears come into the eyes: it is still better even if the eyes are rubbed with the juice."
Ser. SER. You can't just say that there's no such thing as wild onions (blatantly untrue) and then tell me to rub onion juice in my eyes if I'm blind. S e r.
"In combination with woman's milk, it is employed for affections of the ears; and in cases of singing in the ears and hardness of hearing, it is injected into those organs with goose-grease or honey."
:(
From ROCKET: TWELVE REMEDIES.:
"The seed of rocket is remedial for the venom of the scorpion and the shrew-mouse: it repels, too, all parasitical insects which breed on the human body, and applied to the face, as a liniment, with honey, removes spots upon the skin. Used with vinegar, too, it is a cure for freckles; and mixed with ox-gall it restores the livid marks left by wounds to their natural colour."
... It's better than onion-eyes.
In GRAPES, FRESH GATHERED.:
"Grapes fresh gathered are productive of flatulency, and disturb the stomach and bowels; hence it is that they are avoided in fevers, in large quantities more particularly."
... heh.
SIXTY-ONE OBSERVATIONS RELEVANT TO WINE.? Don't mind if I do!
"Pure wine, too, acts as an antidote to hemlock, coriander, henbane, mistletoe, opium, mercury, as also to stings inflicted by bees, wasps, hornets, the phalangium, serpents, and scorpions; all kinds of poison, in fact, which are of a cold nature, the venom of the hæmorrhois and the prester, in particular, and the noxious effects of fungi."
Sorry sorry hold on wait sorry hold on a second... Why would you need an antidote to coriander? Did Pliny have the cilantro-soap-taste gene??
"A fomentation of hot wine applied to the genitals of beasts of burden is found to be very beneficial; and, introduced into the mouth, with the aid of a horn, it has the effect of removing all sensations of fatigue."
:(
Intrigued by this sentence from CITRONS: FIVE OBSERVATIONS UPON THEM.:
"Citrons are good, also, for a weak stomach, but it is not easy to eat them except with vinegar."
Hmm, yes, this lemon is somewhat too bitter for me to eat by itself; I think I shall dip it in vinegar.
With regards to ZOPISSA: ONE REMEDY., Pliny discovers how to make people leave his villa because he regretted putting a ? at the end time of the party he hosted when he was feeling more extroverted than he is now:
"We have already stated that zopissa is the pitch, macerated with salt-water and wax, that has been scraped from off the bottoms of ships. The best kind is that taken from ships which have been to sea for the first time. It is used as an ingredient in plasters of an emollient nature, employed to disperse gatherings."
Not 100% on the validity of "employed to disperse gatherings" as a "remedy", but it made me snort.
PLANTS THAT HAVE BEEN MOISTENED WITH THE URINE OF A DOG: ONE REMEDY.!? Pliny!?
"A plant upon which a dog has watered, torn up by the roots, and not touched with iron, is a very speedy cure for sprains."
... like, any plant? Pliny? Pliny??
In REMEDIES DERIVED FROM MAN., Pliny loyally describes a dozen diseases which can be cured by cannibalism, then quickly clarifies:"We do not look upon life as so essentially desirable that it must be prolonged at any cost, be it what it may—and you, who are of that opinion, be assured, whoever you may be, that you will die none the less, even though you shall have lived in the midst of obscenities or abominations!"
"The human bite is also looked upon as one of the most dangerous of all. The proper remedy for it is human ear-wax: a thing that we must not be surprised at, seeing that, if applied immediately, it is a cure for the stings of scorpions even, and serpents."
"There are many kinds of diseases which disappear entirely after the first sexual congress, or, in the case of females, at the first appearance of menstruation; indeed, if such is not the case, they are apt to become chronic, epilepsy in particular. Even more than this-a man, it is said, who has been stung by a serpent or scorpion, experiences relief from the sexual congress; but the woman, on the other hand, is sensible of detriment."
"It is asserted that if a person is rubbed at the same moment with the milk of both mother and daughter, he will be proof for the rest of his life against all affections of the eyes."
"The hippopotamus was the first inventor of the practice of letting blood, a fact to which we have made allusion on a previous occasion."
"Cheese is best for the stomach when not salted, or, in other words, when new cheese is used. Old cheese has a binding effect upon the bowels, and reduces the flesh, but is more wholesome to the stomach. Indeed, we may pronounce of aliments in general, that salt meats reduce the system, while fresh food has a tendency to make flesh. Fresh cheese, applied with honey, effaces the marks of bruises. It acts, also, emolliently upon the bowels; and, taken in the form of tablets, boiled in astringent wine and then toasted with honey on a platter, it modifies and alleviates griping pains in the bowels."
"Swellings of those parts are treated with veal suet—that from the loins in particular—mixed with rue. For other affections, goats' blood is used, with polenta. Goats' gall, too, is employed by itself, for the cure of condylomata, and sometimes, wolf's gall, mixed with wine. Bears' blood is curative of inflamed tumours and apostemes upon these parts in general; as also bulls' blood, dried and powdered. The best remedy, however, is considered to be the stone which the wild ass voids with his urine, it is said, at the moment he is killed. This stone, which is in a somewhat liquefied state at first, becomes solid when it reaches the ground: attached to the thigh, it; disperses all collections of humours and all kinds of suppurations: it is but rarely found, however, and it is not every wild ass that produces it, but as a remedy it is held in high esteem. ... Riding on horseback, we well know, galls and chafes the inside of the thighs: the best remedy for accidents of this nature is to rub the parts with the foam which collects at a horse's mouth. Where there are swellings in the groin, arising from ulcers, a cure is effected by inserting in the sores three horse-hairs, tied with as many knots."
"For quartan fever, the magicians recommend cats' dung to be attached to the body, with the toe of a horned owl, and, that the fever may not be recurrent, not to be removed until the seventh paroxysm is past. Who, pray, could have ever made such a discovery as this? And what, too, can be the meaning of this combination? Why, of all things in the world, was the toe of a horned owl made choice of?"
"A decoction of frogs in water, reduced to the form of a lini- ment, is curative of itch-scab in horses; indeed, it is said, that a horse, when once treated in this manner, will never again be attacked with the disease. Salpe says that if a live frog is given to dogs in their mess, they will lose the power of barking."
"But, really, it is a very marvellous property that this metal has, of reflecting objects; a property which, it is generally agreed, results from the repercussion of the air, thrown back as it is from the metal upon the eyes. The same too is the action that takes place when we use a mirror. If, again, a thick plate of this metal is highly polished, and is rendered slightly concave, the image or object reflected is enlarged to an immense extent; so vast is the difference between a surface receiving, and throwing back the air. Even more than this-drinking-cups are now made in such a manner, as to be filled inside with numerous concave facets, like so many mirrors; so that if but one person looks into the interior, he sees reflected a whole multitude of persons."
"She had given a voice to rocks, as already mentioned, and had enabled them to answer man, or rather, I should say, to throw back his own words in his teeth. What is there in existence more inert than a piece of rigid stone? And yet, behold! Nature has here endowed stone with both sense and hands. What is there more stubborn than hard iron? Nature has, in this instance, bestowed upon it both feet and intelligence."
"Having now treated of all the works of Nature, it will be as well to take a sort of comparative view of her several productions, as well as the countries which supply them. Throughout the whole earth, then, and wherever the vault of heaven extends, there is no country so beautiful, or which, for the productions of Nature, merits so high a rank as Italy, that ruler and second parent of the world; recommended as she is by her men, her women, her generals, her soldiers, her slaves, her superiority in the arts, and the illustrious examples of genius which she has produced."
"HAIL to thee, Nature, thou parent of all things! and do thou deign to show thy favour unto me, who, alone of all the citizens of Rome, have, in thy every department, thus made known thy praise."
