I probably don't have to say that there have clearly been some... Issues with promotion and publishing of Sylvestus recently.
I feel as if I've been putting off making a post about it because that will acknowledge that there is a problem, and also because I don't really have a specific reason that I can talk about. The short (and pretty poopy, lbr) excuse is that university has hit hard. There's also some personal issues, but that's the main of it. I could go into the number of 14-hour work days I've been pulling and all the personal commitments that fill the remaining hours I'm not sleeping or trying to grab food in, but that's not a great avenue to start down - the fact is, I don't have anywhere near as much time to write and publish as I have before. I didn't anticipate the pressure I would be under, both in time and mental commitment, when I agreed to the December deadline.
Realistically at this point, I've been given two options. Either we push Vol I back, or I let it go out much less polished than I had hoped. Honestly, neither feels good - but it's that or allow one of my other commitments to go under in a big way. In the past writing has been my entire life, but unless I suddenly start selling hundreds of thousands of copies and landing massive book signing deals at San Francisco Comic-con, I can't continue to shove the rest of my commitments to the side as I have in the past.
All of this is quite depressing, which I didn't want to go for, but there's not really much hopeful you can talk about when the main message is "it's going to be late or shit, sorry guys".
Soooo maybe we shouldn't make that the main message?
Maybe the main message should be that actually, things are pretty darn great. My first year of university was very difficult emotionally and mentally. I had a lot more time and I did a lot more academic work and I wrote 350,000 words of Sylv in a year, but I wouldn't have really said I was enjoying the university experience.
That has, without a doubt, changed. I never thought writing could realistically take a backseat, and I hesitate to think of it like that in case it does seem like I'm throwing my ultimate dream and passion under the bus for some new fun times, but I am putting other things first. Sylv is a responsibility as well as a passion, but it's the one I'm getting paid least for, right now both economically and emotionally.
I don't really have an answer. I'm not stopping writing or changing my plans, but I also can't say for sure yet whether Sylv will be late or half-edited or unpublicised...
I have a duty to my university, and to my friends, and to the people affected by all my other commitments, and I have a duty to my readers too. So, this is me in the scant ten minutes I could scrape out of today's schedule, updating you because it really wasn't fair otherwise.
And I have a duty to myself, to look after me as well as all of the rest of you.
Nothing more to say, really. What's the main message? If you love my writing, I apologise but buckle up because it might be a bumpy month. If you love me, just know that I'm so busy I'm honestly surprised I'm still functioning - but also that I'm pretty sure I am still functioning, and at a fairly high capacity too, because I'm not just fuelled by caffeine and stress: I'm running on how fucking much I'm enjoying every second of it.
I'm also taking quite a lot of naps. So far my favourite naps have been backstage during the tech run of a show, on someone's lap during a rehearsal, on a sofa in the middle of the student union cafe, and in a very, very long immunity lab while waiting for the centrifuge to finish.
See y'all soon. God be willing, I'll have something to actually show you before you all give up on me.
 |
| Indication of my mood post-nap |
